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Chapter Five
The Shittiest Day of the Week
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‘She is so cool! You know she graduated from university in the top five percent? She’s travelled heaps too. She showed me all these books she’s been reading…’ Kal tried to look interested as his brother babbled on. He had a cold, sick sort of taste in his mouth as he sat on their lumpy couch, listening to Eli gush about the otter-shifter.
A nasty little voice whispered that with new friends like Sarah, Eli soon wouldn’t need Kalevi anymore. That was… that was fine. Eli was supposed to grow up and leave home. He was supposed to know lots of smart, connected people. Kal couldn’t give him those connections. He swallowed a sharp lump in his throat.
‘You okay?’ Eli asked, breaking off from his speech to glance at his older brother.
‘Yeah, of course. Just a bit tired. I’m glad you like her,’ Kal said and his voice was almost bright enough to pass for genuine.
Eli frowned. ‘Are you sure? I know you haven’t exactly been happy with this whole thing?’
‘So long as you get along with her and she’s helping you like she’s supposed to, how can I complain?’ Kal replied.
‘Yeah, I guess. How was your meeting? You haven’t said much about it…’ Eli asked.
Kal hid his wince as he busied himself washing out a mug in the sink. It had been red once upon a time but was now so used and faded, the colour was barely a patchy pale pink. The handle had been glued back on at least twice and there was a chip on the rim. He gave a shrug. ‘It was fine. We met at a coffee shop and just talked.’
‘Yeah? Are they as bad as you thought?’ Eli teased.
Yes. ‘They’re okay,’ Kal grumbled.
‘So, what did you guys talk about?’ Eli asked eagerly.
Kalevi fought down a groan. He really wanted to change the subject, but he didn’t know how. ‘Nothing that interesting. Just work stuff.’
‘How cool would it be to have a job like theirs? They get to meet all these people and travel.’
Kalevi would rather eat his own tail. ‘Mmm.’ The sound he made was bland but at least it was inoffensive.
‘Sarah said she is going to help me with my economics paper.’ Most of the shit Eli’s brought home was like an alien language to Kalevi. Considering he never even finished high school, Eli maths homework had been bad enough to make Kal feel violent and stupid. Thankfully, they had the internet these days and most common maths topics were covered in fairly decent YouTube videos. Thank the corroding gods for the nerds of the world…
‘That’s great Eli. You’re going to have the highest grade in the year,’ Kalevi said with a genuine smile.
Eli grinned at him. ‘Yeah. Hey, Mark asked if I could hang out with them tonight. Would it be okay if I go?’
Kal studied his brother carefully. ‘You all up to date with your homework?’
Eli rolled his eyes. ‘Yeah.’
‘And you feel okay?’ Kal’s voice softened a little.
His brother winced. ‘Yeah. I told you, that shift was just… it was a dumb fight. I feel fine, honest.’
Kalevi nodded. ‘Alright. You know you can talk to me if you need to, yeah?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Go hang out with your friends. I’ll probably be at work when you get back, but I’ll have my phone on me.’ Eli nodded and was out of the room in the blink of an eye, likely already texting Mark to come pick him up. Eli was a good kid.
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As far as shifts went, it was fairly standard: boring and tedious. His back ached faintly from the repetitive motion of bending down and retrieving cans of beans. He stocked the shelf until the boxes were all empty. Crush the boxes, take them to the cardboard crusher, grab the next pallet, wheel it to the aisle, unpack. Repeat. Six hours went by slowly. Still, he preferred this sort of work, restocking when the shop was closed, rather than working the day shift with customers reaching over him or under him or… talking to him.
If there was a job available to him that meant that he would never have to talk to another living soul again, he would take it in a heartbeat. Kalevi stretched, feeling his various joints popping as a little of the tension eased. All he wanted was a burning hot shower and a nap. Maybe some food but there wasn’t much in the house. His mind flicked longingly to the hotdog stand he had passed on the way into work and his stomach growled. He didn’t have extra money for hotdogs.
Eli wouldn’t be home. It might be worth making the shift into cat form and going hunting. Pigeons weren’t so bad as a cat. He hated the way the feathers always got stuck between his teeth but at least he would have a full belly. He pulled off his work apron and clocked out. Outside the grocer he was not impressed to find a silver car waiting on the curb with two familiar people inside.
‘Why are you here? It’s the middle of the damn night,’ Kalevi growled. Ben stared up at him through the open window.
‘I thought it would be nice if we picked you up from work,’ Ben said cheerfully.
‘How thoughtful,’ Kalevi growled.
‘Hop in.’ For one glorious moment, Kal thought about turning around and just walking away like an ass. Unfortunately, that probably wouldn’t do him much good considering they knew where he lived. With a resigned sigh, he climbed into the back of the car.
‘Have you eaten?’ Ben asked cheerfully. The man’s constant enthusiasm made Kalevi want to stab him with the pen he could see sticking out of the nearest cup holder.
‘No, but I don’t need you people to feed me. Just drive me home,’ Kal demanded. He tried to keep a straight face as his stomach rumbled again.
‘What do you gain from being stubborn?’ Vano rumbled.
Kalevi glared at the back of the man’s head. ‘Because even when people say you don’t owe them a favour, you still owe them. I don’t need you holding anything over my head.’
‘Do you owe many people favours?’ Ben asked.
‘None,’ Kal said proudly.
‘Then no one owes you any either,’ Ben commented.
‘The world doesn’t owe you shit. If you think it does, you’re either delusional or a child,’ Kal growled.
‘That may be accurate but it’s still a grim outlook on life,’ Ben said softly.
‘Yeah well, life isn’t exactly going to improve if I start painting everything in rainbows.’
‘It won’t get better if you paint everything black and make it harder see either,’ Vano said. The cat sulked, choosing to glare out the window instead of reply. He was too tired for this shit. His eyes were itchy, and he was hungry.
‘How about a kebab with the lot?’ Ben said cheerfully as the car pulled up at a small takeaway shop. The idea had Kal drooling.
‘I don’t care about salad, just plenty of meat,’ Kalevi ordered. If they were paying, he wanted the good stuff. Ben left the car with a grin and a promise to be back soon. After just a few seconds, Kal wished he had gone with him. It was incredibly awkward sitting here in silence with Vano. He stared at the huge man with suspicious eyes.
‘Why are you here? I sort of get him. He’s the nice guy who wants to save the world. What’s your angle?’ Kalevi demanded.
Vano turned in his seat, casting dark eyes on the cat. It was like staring off the edge of a cliff into something vast and very old. Kal swallowed. ‘If that is why you believe he does this, then you are incorrect. He knows that people who don’t wish to be saved can’t be saved just as I do.’
‘Again, then why are you here?’
The man looked Kalevi up and down. Kal had to fight down a shiver. ‘Because you do want to saved. You may not acknowledge it, even to yourself, but it is what you want. You are a little cat lost in a storm, clinging with whatever strength you have left. I do trust you want what’s best for your brother, but you also despise the idea of losing yourself in the process. You need someone to reach down and grab you by the scruff to pull you out of the storm. You likely won’t thank us for it. You will probably claw and bite us until you’re calm but that is alright. It is what cats do.’
Kalevi stared at him with his mouth hanging open. This weird, arrogant mother-fuc-
‘Food’s here!’ Ben said cheerfully as he climbed back in the car. He seemed completely unaware of the icy interior and began to hand out the wrapped kebabs. Kal accepted his in stony silence. It was a heavy package and the smell of it had his stomach growling with anticipation. To avoid any more conversation, he ripped his late dinner open immediately and began to eat. It was a damn good kebab.
—
They reached Kalevi’s house in under fifteen minutes. Knowing he couldn’t easily get rid of them, he just unlocked the front door. Ben and Vano followed in after.
‘How about some tea and we can sit and talk? I realize it is very late, but I think it’s important we have a chat. From what I understand you have another shift later today?’ Today… yes it was after midnight. Kalevi scrubbed at his face.
‘Yes,’ he grunted. He didn’t want to know how they already had his work schedule figured out. Nosy bastards. He sat down at the old table. He heard the other shifter moving about his tiny kitchen. Ben came back in with three cups of tea and sat down. Kal stared down at his own cup. He wasn’t much of a tea drinker.
‘So. Have you considered applying for higher paying jobs?’ Ben asked. Kal scowled, skin prickling.
‘Are you serious? Of course I have! I’m a high school dropout. What kind of high paying fucking job do you think I’m qualified for exactly!?’ he snarled.
‘Language,’ Vano rumbled.
‘The requirement for a university degree is much lower than in previous decades. You don’t need a degree for a high paying position anymore. Is there nothing that interests you? Nothing you would like to learn?’ Ben’s gentle voice was grounding enough to lower Kal’s blood pressure just a little.
‘I don’t know,’ Kal grumbled. He had eaten way too much way too fast. He just wanted to go to bed.
‘Do you like to work with your hands? Do you like working outside? Inside? Is there any topic that you would like to know more about like coding or cooking?’
Kal made a low, frustrated sound. ‘Maybe. That’s all well and good but learning takes time. I don’t have time. Not right now. I need to get Eli through school.’ The bleakness in his own voice made him wince but he was just trying to be realistic. Apprenticeships usually came with a huge decrease in pay especially for the first year or two and that’s if they would consider taking him on as an apprentice in the first place. He wasn’t a bright eyed, bushy tailed young teen looking for his first entrance into a trade. Kalevi could barely keep the lights on as it was. He couldn’t take a pay cut.
‘Eli is old enough to be paying rent. Would you consider-‘
‘No,’ Kalevi barked. ‘Eli needs to focus on school and graduating with good grades.’
‘This is a topic you feel quite strongly on then?’ Ben asked.
‘Yes.’ Obviously. Kal had to fight not to roll his eyes.
‘What if we could help you find a higher paying job, would you consider trying it?’
More money, sure. It left a sour taste in Kalevi’s mouth that he was having to rely on these shifters to find him work but he didn’t have much room to refuse. He gave a stout nod. ‘Yes.’
‘Alright. Leave that with us.’
‘Kalevi,’ Vani rumbled. ‘We are doing this for you just as much as your brother. You can’t maintain this level of work.’
‘I’m fine,’ Kal said automatically.
‘You are not fine. I doubt you have been fine in a long time.’
Kalevi stared down at the tabletop, his kebab feeling like a hard lump in his stomach. ‘Are we done here? I need to go to bed.’
‘Of course, it is very late,’ Ben said gently. ‘We mean it Kalevi, we want to look after you. You are worth looking after. You are worth help.’
Kalevi didn’t say anything, he just stood up and left the room. They could see themselves out. Once in his bedroom, he kicked off his shoes and shifted into his cat form. He leapt up onto the bed, his fur bristling slightly. He felt torn. He wanted to say he didn’t need them, had never needed anyone. But he couldn’t.
As he curled into a ball as tight and as small as he could make himself, he couldn’t help the small spiteful, miserable voice that whispered if they wanted to help so much, why couldn’t they have helped years ago? Before he had completely lost faith in the world and the people in it. Before touch could be something other than violent.
Before he was too broken to fix.
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END
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