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Chapter Four
Judge and Jury
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Kalevi was not looking forward to the coming week even more so than usual. He had sat and sulked as his brother had logged onto the website they had been shown and started to scroll through the names. The site looked very innocent on the outside. This was intentional, of course. No human would look at these people and know it was an index of shifters.
The first question on the profile was “What is your favourite animal?” This was the only indicator of the species each shifter was. Honestly, it was a pretty smart way to do it. The question was so generic, Kal doubted any outsider would think twice at seeing it. In the community it was a quick and easy way to identify animal species. There was a wide variety, everything from a Dalmatian to a fossa. It did at least mean that Kalevi could work out the identities of his soon-to-be carers.
Vano, the tall imposing man was an elk shifter according to his profile and Ben was a puma. Kal wasn’t surprised that they had assigned another feline, but he was confused by Vano. Predator and prey shifters had different needs and triggers. Assigning someone with a prey mentality to Kalevi’s care was a strange call. Mind, these days, an opinion like that would be counted as stereotyping but to Kal, if it quacked like a duck and walked like a duck…
‘Kal, what about her? She looks nice.’
‘The otter?’ Kalevi asked, squinting at the profile his brother had up. The woman in the photo was smiling politely towards the camera. She had long brunette hair and gentle, non-threatening features. According to her profile she had graduated from university in economics. Kalevi was torn. On one hand, he wanted someone as unthreatening as possible for his brother but on the other hand, Kal knew that part of this program was to make sure that if Eli shifted in public, they would be able to control the situation. Somehow, Kal couldn’t picture a little river otter taking on a jaguar.
‘Maybe…’ Kalevi muttered.
Eli sighed. ‘You haven’t liked any of the people I’ve picked out,’ he said grumpily. This was true. Mind, he didn’t like any of these people period. Tended to happen when he was forced to interact with them.
‘I didn’t say no,’ Kalevi argued.
His brother gave him a flat, unimpressed look. ‘Well how about saying yes to one of them?’
‘It’s not up to me. It’s about who you feel comfortable with,’ Kalevi grumbled.
‘Oh, so I can pick who I want then?’ Eli asked with a slightly malicious grin. Kalevi’s expression turned sour. Several of the candidates had caught Eli’s attention for reasons other than their professional background. One in particular had a shirtless picture along with his professional headshot. Eli had liked the moon bear very much, but Kal had put his foot down.
‘Pick the otter woman,’ Kalevi said finally. Eli laughed but his expression softened.
‘I know you don’t want to do this. I just… I want to meet other shifters, you know? They… they can’t all be bad. They can’t all be like ma and pa.’
Kalevi had a sudden sour taste in his mouth. He couldn’t bring himself to agree or disagree, so he just nodded. He couldn’t deny his little brother the chance to have a normal life. A normal life meant interacting with his peers, forming relationships with other member of the shifter community. Honestly, Kalevi should have been proud. Eli hadn’t let his childhood define him. He hadn’t been broken down and remade the same way Kalevi had. He had a chance at a normal life.
‘I know cub,’ Kal said softly.
‘I’m not a cub anymore,’ Eli protested hotly, cheeks flushing. Kalevi gave him a rare smile.
‘You see the best in people. It’s part of what makes you special,’ Kal said softly.
Eli looked embarrassed. ‘That’s not… I know you really tried.’ Still trying, little brother. ‘You’ve always looked out for me. I should be looking out for you too.’ Wrong. At least in Kalevi’s opinion. He was the older sibling. He would take the punches, the bruises and the scars so Eli could grow into someone amazing. Kal had been that punching bag. He would do it again to see his brother’s smile. This was just something new to endure.
‘You deserve it, Eli. You’re a good kid.’ Eli’s cheeks flushed dark with embarrassment.
‘The otter woman has a background in business governance. That could be very useful. You know I’m taking economics this year…’ Kal allowed the change of subject. He would support his little brother. Even if he was dreading the weeks to come.
—
The atmosphere was frosty to say the least. Ben smiled pleasantly which only made Kalevi want to punch him all the harder.
‘How about we go grab a cup of coffee?’ Ben suggested amicably.
‘Sure,’ Kal replied flatly. He was slightly unnerved by Vano who was sitting perfectly still on the other side of the cigarette-stained coffee table.
‘There is a really nice coffee place nearby. The Frivolous Bean, have you heard of it? They do excellent cheese toasties.’ Kalevi did love cheese toasties, not that he wanted to tell them that.
‘Fine,’ he grunted.
‘Eli is meeting Sarah today, right?’ Ben continued, ignoring Kal’s frosty expression.
‘Yes.’ Kalevi replied stoutly.
‘She’s had a lot of experience with young shifters. I’m sure he’ll have a good afternoon with her.’ Kalevi glared down at the table as though it had personally offended him. He could feel Vano’s eyes in him and he wished the Elk would look away or at least blink. It was creeping him out.
‘Right then… coffee?’ Kalevi allowed himself to be led out of his own house like a puppet on strings. None of this made him comfortable but this wasn’t for him. He just had to keep reminding himself of that and he would be able to get though it. They walked to the coffee shop. It wasn’t far. It was about a twenty or so minute stroll from the crappy house Kalevi reluctantly called home.
It was busy inside. The crowd of people, pushing and shoving did not improve Kal’s mood. His first shock was when he stepped into line and the huge, tall form of Vano moved in behind him. Almost at once, the crushing crowd of people shuffled further back, forced aside by the elk’s bulk. Kalevi was begrudgingly relieved. Vano hadn’t said much so far. He was more of a silent, immense presence. There was something serene and calming about the huge elk’s presence. Maybe that was partly why he had been assigned to Kalevi’s “troubled” case.
‘What would you like? It’s my shout,’ Ben said brightly. Kalevi rolled his eyes. Of course it was his shout. Kal didn’t have “coffee and cake” money. He was half tempted to pick the most expensive thing on the menu just out of spite, but the grilled cheese sandwich did smell amazing. His stomach rumbled.
‘Just coffee and a grilled cheese sandwich is fine,’ Kalevi grumbled.
‘Sure. How do you take your coffee?’
‘Black.’ When they got to the front of the line, Ben put in their order and shuffled through to a table that could fit the three of them. They certainly looked like an odd trio, mainly because of Vano’s height. They sat and what proceeded was the world’s most awkward silence.
‘Kal, can I call you Kal?’
‘No.’ More silence.
‘Kalevi, I know you don’t want to be here with us, but we have to try and make this work.’
‘You attached yourselves to me. I might have to go along with this, but I don’t have to make it easy for you,’ Kal said ominously.
‘So, you’re going to be a handful for us?’
‘If that’s the way you want to look at it,’ he sneered.
‘Good.’ Ben smiled, the look somehow innocent and smug at the same time.
Kalevi blinked. ‘Excuse me?’
‘Good. I want you to be a handful. I want you to fight with us, cause trouble if you can, push the boundaries. It’s the fastest way to find your limits and triggers.’
Kalevi mouthed wordlessly at him for a minute. Limits and triggers? This conversation sounded weirdly sexual and very uncomfortable. Kalevi sat back in his chair and crossed his arms. ‘Nothing will change.’
‘We’ll see,’ said Ben. The man’s confidence was unnerving.
Feeling prickly, Kalevi shot a glare towards Vano. ‘And what about you? You supposed to keep me on the straight and narrow by whatever means necessary?’
The stag dipped his head, his cool eyes fixing on Kalevi with a calm intensity. ‘It will not come to that,’ he said in his deep voice.
Kalevi flushed. This felt somehow like an attack, like he was a little schoolboy being chastised. He made to stand up and nearly got all the way out of his chair when a bright-eyed waitress brought their food and drinks, unknowingly blocking him in the booth. After a horrendously awkward moment, he sat back down.
‘Thank you muchly,’ Ben said to the girl, flashing her a bright smile. She blushed and hurried away. He turned back to Kal. ‘Do you always get so easily worked up?’
‘Maybe it’s just you two,’ Kal hissed.
‘Perhaps, but like you say, you’re stuck with us so please, eat.’ Kalevi felt trapped. He could get up and leave right now. He didn’t think they would stop him and yet he still felt pinned in place… It was utterly childish but now he didn’t want to eat the sandwich, especially not in front of them. He hated this, this weird feeling of vulnerability they had caused. He had told himself he never wanted to feel that vulnerable again. He never wanted to feel small and weak, the way he had made him feel.
‘Consider it this way then. What will you win if you don’t eat?’ Ben asked politely. Kalevi glared at him, his whole body tingling. He took several slow breaths. He could not allow a partial shift in a crowded cafe, especially in front of these assholes. He pulled his plate towards himself and took a large bite of his toasted sandwich. Cheese oozed into his mouth and his stomach rumbled appreciatively.
‘Would you say you often skip meals?’ Ben asked, sipping at his coffee.
Kalevi purposely took his sweet time in answering. ‘No idea. I’m busy,’ he lied. In all honesty, he had often skipped meals, especially if there was only enough food for one of them. He would never let Eli go hungry. Kalevi was lean, mean, and hard looking. His clothes didn’t quite fit comfortably over his frame. Didn’t help that most of them were secondhand but fuck it, he wasn’t dressing to impress people. He honestly didn’t care what most people thought of him. He ate hungrily. He finished his sandwich and went for his coffee only to notice a second sandwich appearing in front of him. He stared at it.
‘I don’t need your charity,’ he said stubbornly.
‘You’ve done everything on your own?’ Ben asked curiously.
‘Yes.’
‘That is very noble of you,’ Vano said gravely.
Kalevi snorted. ‘It’s not noble. It’s called survival. It’s better not to rely on others.’
‘Not all shifters are like your father Kal,’ Ben said softly.
Kalevi stiffened. ‘Yeah, and not all humans are like Hitler, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t a lot of selfish, backstabbing cunts out there.’
‘Language,’ rumbled Vano.
Language?! Kal stared at Vano as though the man had shifted a pair of antlers. ‘I’m not a kid!’ Kalevi snapped.
‘No, you are an adult. A handsome, intelligent adult. You don’t need that sort of language,’ said Vano dismissively.
Ridiculously, Kal felt his cheeks flush. Why the fuck was he blushing!? He should not care what they thought about him. ‘Whatever. How often do we have to meet?’ Kal grumbled, trying to change the subject as he picked at his second sandwich. It smelt just as good as the first one. Better even, considering he could see ham on it as well as the cheese.
‘That depends on you. We can start with every second day. Then-‘
‘Every second day?! I don’t have time for that!’ Kalevi exploded. Several people looked their way, disapproval on their faces.
‘You may not have the time, but you certainly have the need. You’re not fully in control Kalevi.’
‘So what, you’re just going to keep taking me out for dinner? Teach me better English?’ he sneered.
Ben shook his head. ‘I wish you would take this a little more seriously. We are going to teach you ways to calm yourself. To channel your anger, to allow yourself to feel all emotions again, not just frustration. We’ll start there.’
‘I can feel just fine,’ Kal snapped.
‘When was the last time you allowed yourself to submit to someone?’ Vano asked softly.
Kalevi’s eyes narrowed to slits. ‘Never.’ The single word was like the hiss of a deadly viper, ice cold and a powerful warning.
‘You need to.’
‘Fuck. You. We are done here for today.’ Kalevi made to stand but Vano’s hand reached out and grabbed a terrifyingly powerful hold of Kal’s arm.
‘Sit down,’ Vano rumbled. The cat bristled. His canines lengthened in his mouth, cutting his tongue. Shit. Shit, shit, shit! He couldn’t stop his transformation. This couldn’t be happening. Not now! He hadn’t lost control like this since he was a young teenager. The elders would kill him for this. He couldn’t slow his breathing.
‘Kalevi, breathe. Look at me. Breathe.’ Ben reached out a careful hand and gently squeezed the back of Kalevi’s neck, making him gasp. Vano easily pulled him back down onto his seat.
‘Umm, is your friend okay?’ The timid voice of the female waitress made Ben look up.
‘Yes, he will be. He gets a little anxious in crowds. We are trying to do baby steps.’
‘Oh,’ the girl said, her expression sympathetic. ‘Perhaps some water?’ she suggested.
‘That would be wonderful, you’re very kind,’ Ben replied.
‘I’ll be right back with it!’ She hurried away in a flurry of skirts.
‘Breathe Kalevi, you’re alright.’
‘I. Can’t.’ Kalevi squeezed his eyes shut tight, pain and fear tightening his lungs to the point of oxygen starvation.
‘You can. You’re so good. You’re such a good brother, such a powerful shifter. Easy now.’ Ben’s slow, warm voice was oddly soothing. Kalevi felt tears bite the corners of his eyes. Vano’s strong hand had gentled, steadying Kal in his seat.
‘That’s it. You’re doing wonderfully. Deep breaths. The coffee smells good, doesn’t it?’ Kal concentrated on the smell of the coffee, earthy and familiar. Slowly his heart eased its horrific pounding. The waitress came back with a jug of water.
‘Please let me know if there’s anything I can get you,’ she babbled.
‘Of course. Thank you dear.’ Only when Kalevi was sure she was gone did he open his eyes. He stared miserably at the table, a faint ringing in his ears and a hard lump in his throat. He had lost control in public.
‘Are you going to report me?’ he asked in a hollow voice.
‘For having a slight panic attack? Not at all.’
Kalevi looked up. ‘W…what?’
‘But you understand why you need us now?’
Kalevi bit his lip. Vano and Ben exchanged a look. ‘You don’t want to say it. That’s fine. It’s our job to coax that from you.’
Kal swallowed. He didn’t like the sound of that.
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END
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